Book review
How to Develop Social Courage to Change Your Life
Would you want to have lunch with a stranger or perhaps a coffee with someone you half know? Still before the pandemic I got an invite from Nick Bendel, back then known as a copywriter with his own agency, Hunter & Scribe.
As the 50th guest on his quest to meet 500 strangers for lunch back then, I can confirm that this approach of learning about each other’s business is quite unusual but with sustainable impact.
This impact now turned into a new book, The 500 Lunches Effect, and the start of his new business as Social Courage expert. And that meant far more than 500 rejections.
A lunch experiment lasting 6 years
About ten years ago Nick found himself at a crossroads as a journalist seeking for better connection with others. He recognised that most professionals stay within their circles without venturing out on purpose. On the ear of losing his potential he stumbled on a LinkedIn post by fellow introvert Kaley Chu from Melbourne who just described her own journey across 100 lunches in a book of the same name. Nick planned a longer journey towards 500 lunches and has been excited that she agreed to be his first lunch. Since then they built a friendship and meet annually to recall that initial lunch.
These lunches changed everything in Nick’s life as he described in his own words: “I had the chance to practise my social skills, explore new ideas and learn about unfamiliar professions. And as I listened, patterns began to emerge.”
Book concept
The book starts with the origin story starting his experiment up to eventually completing the 500 lunches. From that moment on the book helps readers with understanding and developing the concept of social courage by guiding them through the following steps:
- How to talk to anyone
- How to build a powerful network
- How to future-proof yourself in the age of AI
- How to achieve big, life-changing goals
- How to start your own connection project
Across the 35 chapters of the book, Nick taps deep into the journey of connecting well with people and gaining that social courage that is not taught in our education system.
Real life adaptability
I resonated well with his idea of meeting those we don’t know yet being a born introvert as well. I struggled in my youth up to my student days to make friends and show up. Gratefully it changed when I became a tour guide showing tourists cities like London and Prague where I settled before moving to Switzerland and eventually to Australia.
When Nick approached 400 episodes, I asked him if he would become my first guest in my #42coffees series – with a similar influence as he found with Kaley Chu. As a fan of cafés, I explored the idea of meeting people I half know for coffee to avoid copying his exact idea. The principle was similar: listening more than speaking, learning from well-chosen others and giving them a stage of my network while tapping into theirs.
Everyone can use the principles of Nick’s book to break out from social loneliness and take the first step. The lessons taught and examples given are the best guide to explore that important step in life. And it is not only for introverts.
Useful quotes out of the book
Some sentences directly jumped out of the book into my eyes which can also stand for themselves while keeping within context. Here are some of my favourite examples:
- Human connection is the foundation of professional success, yet almost no one teaches us how to do it well.
- Social courage means doing things that feel uncomfortable in social settings, even when you fear rejection.
- People who appear confident are usually people who have simply learnt how to act despite their doubts.
The last quote is important especially in a world where the perception comes before the facts.
Inspiration for fellow writers
There are a couple of elements in Nick’s book and story that can inspire fellow book authors. One example is the typesetting approach which helps the readers stop at the right moment to deepen the understanding by stumbling on rounded boxes titled “Social courage insights”. A reader who is on the journey to discover their social courage might want to go back to these sections as a refresher and to decide where to deep dive.
As a marketer I admire especially how well Nick defined his target audience – the earlier version of himself – and addressed their concerns throughout the book. In many places within the book the ideal reader might have some obstacles or challenges for which Nick prepared dedicated subchapters to help them overcome those fears.
Finally I’m happy that this book that addresses the inner beliefs of readers also provides graphical elements to address the visual learning experience. My favourite example are the “8 habits of great conversations”, ironically in chapter 9.
Final verdict
Nick had two possibilities after achieving 500 lunches as so many people asked him if he would write a book about it: Firstly, just compile the learning and share some conversations. That would be nice but just another book on the market.
Instead, he crafted a book of transformation – how people became open if someone listened, how he became more confident in reaching out to strangers (and enticed others in a similar way) and finally how he turned his life upside down by becoming that Social Courage expert to talk in public.
Personally, I am grateful that I had the chance to meet him early on in his journey and that he confirmed to write the foreword to my upcoming book, The Power of Human Connection, which are my learnings from having 100+ coffees with people I half know.
In conversation
Q&A with Nick Bendel
1. What was the deciding moment to write this book?
People had been asking me for years whether I was going to write a book about my quest to have lunch with 500 strangers. My standard response was: “I don’t have plans to write a book and I don’t have plans to not write a book. I’ll decide when I get to the end.” As I approached lunch number 500, I finally decided there was a story worth telling – and, more importantly, lessons worth sharing.
2. How long did it take from concept to launch?
The underlying concept developed over six years and 500 lunches, but the actual book-writing process took about 10 months. I wrote the first draft in four months, then spent roughly three months working through subsequent drafts with the help of a book-writing coach. The editing and publishing process took another three months.
3. How did you perform the research to create the practical content?
The 500 lunches were essentially a six-year real-world experiment. I deliberately met people from an enormous range of backgrounds and paid close attention to what those encounters taught me about rejection, confidence, relationships, conversation and human behaviour. I also had hundreds of opportunities to observe my own reactions to discomfort and uncertainty. The practical content emerged from identifying the patterns and lessons that kept recurring across those experiences.
4. What was the biggest challenge along the process (and how did you overcome it)?
My biggest challenge was starting. Ironically, I’m a professional writer, but writing a book felt completely different from writing for clients. I didn’t know how to structure it and couldn’t imagine where I’d find the time because I already worked seven days a week.
A coaching conversation with my friend Rugare Gomo helped me simplify the problem. I listed the chapter headings, added bullet points for what each chapter needed to cover and suddenly the project felt manageable. I normally woke at 5am, so I started waking at 4am and dedicated that first hour exclusively to the book. I began the very next morning.
5. What was your own reflection along the journey?
Writing the book made me realise just how much the 500 lunches had changed me. I began the project as an introvert who found networking uncomfortable. Six years later, I was still an introvert – but I was far more socially courageous.
The biggest lesson was that action precedes confidence. I hadn’t become confident enough to invite strangers to lunch and then started doing it. I repeatedly did something that made me uncomfortable, and the confidence followed. That insight ultimately became central to the book.
6. What is the outcome in having this book available?
My hope is that the book gives people both a concept and a practical reason to change their behaviour. I call that concept “social courage” – the willingness to act despite the possibility of rejection, judgement or discomfort.
I’d love readers to finish the book and do something they’ve been avoiding: introduce themselves, make the phone call, ask for the opportunity, speak up or have the difficult conversation. If the book helps people stop waiting until they feel ready, it has achieved what I wanted it to achieve.
7. What would you advise others about writing their book?
Start before you feel ready – which is appropriate given the message of my book.
Don’t wait until you’ve worked out the perfect structure, found enormous amounts of spare time or feel confident that you know what you’re doing. Break the project into manageable pieces and create a system that makes consistent progress possible.
For me, that meant chapter headings, bullet points and one hour every morning. My first draft wasn’t my final book – nor was it supposed to be. Once the words existed, I could improve them. But you can’t edit a blank page.
I’d also recommend getting other people involved. Feedback from professional writer Stacey Trock, book-writing coach Andrew Griffiths and the team at Publish Central helped me see weaknesses I could no longer see myself after reading the manuscript countless times. Writing may be solitary, but producing a good book doesn’t have to be.
Nick Bendel: “The 500 Lunches Effect”, Publish Central 2026, ISBN 978-1-923630-31-4 (Paperback), ISBN 978-1-923630-65-9 (Kindle eBook) or ISBN 979-8-24018387-4 (Audiobook)More about the author and the book: nickbendel.com
Also published on Medium
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